Postpartum Anxiety — View All

128 | Mothering the Mother - Megana Dwarakanath

Megana knew that she wanted a family, and before meeting her husband, she had even considered taking on the role of parenting without a partner. But soon after moving to a new city, she met her husband; they fell in love and began discussing expanding their family. They both wanted to have two kids before Megana got a bit older and had planned to start trying to conceive after getting married. But their March 2020 wedding was canceled due to the beginnings of the COVID-19 pandemic, leading them to move forward with a small ceremony and begin trying to conceive in May.

As a healthcare worker (pediatrician), Megana was aware of the studies around birthing folks in her field having two times the rate of infertility than others. Many of her friends in residency with her had shared their struggles with infertility. With that in mind, she was emotionally prepared to have some struggles of her own with conceiving but was grateful that she was pregnant within three months of trying. The beginning of her pregnancy was layered with many parts. They were going to be moving cross country; she had lost both her grandparents, dealing with the pandemic and also working through the pandemic and didn't fully have care established where they were moving; Megana describes that time as "surreal."

Amongst her birth preparation, she was journaling, reading, and listening to positive birth stories and remained active, running up to her 39th week of pregnancy. Her due date came and went, making Megana uneasy as she knew she was losing time from her maternity leave. Her jobs maternity leave policy would give her 12 weeks, and she had already begun using some time waiting on the arrival of her baby. Taking that into consideration, Megana elected to support her progress with an induction. Induction included two doses of misoprostol, moving her quickly into intense labor. Reviewing all her options and managing the frequency and intensity of her contractions, which had started putting her baby in distress - Megana decided to have an epidural to provide them some rest and allow her body the space it needed to continue to progress. After about an hour and a half of pushing, her daughter was born. Megana did suffer from a 2nd/3rd-degree periclitoral and labial tear, which would impact her in ways she wasn't prepared for.

Within her great support village, Megana's sister would be the guiding light in helping her navigate all the new transitions. The reality of how debilitating her tear was, combined with the level of rest she needed and what maternity leave entailed for caring and bonding with her daughter Megana was falling into a postpartum anxiety/depression cycle. With the support of her sister, they established some concrete strategies to guide her through this time and enable her healing.

Megana's journey with an extremely short maternity leave due to the American Board of Pediatrics policies has led her to be a driving force for changing maternity leave policy. She wrote an oped that has changed policies in her department and has a postpartum group for other South Asian women to discuss some of the cultural misogyny and expectations they contend with. Check these essential resources out in the show notes.

92 | Better Than I Planned - Ashley Shepard

Knowing her mother's birth stories - all of her children's birth from start to finish being 4 hours, Ashley envisioned she would have a similar experience. So when her water broke three days after her estimated due date, she arrived at the hospital ready for the journey to be swift. Settling into the hospital at 9 am, Ashley was 2cm dilated, and by the afternoon, was told had progressed to 8cm. To her surprise, once her doctor arrived and did a cervical exam, she expressed that Ashley was only 5cm. Ashley was, of course, disappointed but knew that she had to stay in a serene and positive mindset. As she labored through the day and progression remained in the same spot, Ashley, her husband, and birth team tried many options, finally deciding that her son's arrival would be a surgical birth.

Leaving the hospital and returning home was tough; Ashley was managing her physical healing from a surgery she hadn't expected, working through nursing challenges and also the mental toll of this new transition. Creating with food had always been an outlet for Ashley; during her pregnancy, she prepared ready-made meals for postpartum that would be easy for her and her husband to make—having food in this way assisted with her body recovery and recovery mentally. But even with that, Ashley felt like she wasn't allowing a release for her thoughts or feelings from having postpartum anxiety and baby blues. Not finding what she needed, she decided to create a guided journal. A space that she could communicate her feelings with no pressure or judgments. A safe space serving as self-care, a reminder that as a birthing parent, "you are important.." and all parts of you "have a space in your baby's life."

91 | When A Mother's Pain Re-Births Her Calling - Natalie Nicole

Natalie Nicole joined us to share the birth story of her rainbow baby. After experiencing a miscarriage on New Year’s day of 2014, she was terrified of being pregnant again. So that June, when she found out she was pregnant, she was fearful about the same outcome. But in January 2015, her son was born, and answering her prayers and showing her strength.

During her 38 week appointment with her doctor, she had a cervical exam and learned, to her surprise, that she was nearly 10 cm dilated. Things moved quickly to get her settled in the delivery room. Natalie still had her bag of waters intact, and she received a pitocin drip as recommended by her provider to speed up labor. After laboring with pitocin, Natalie knew she wanted additional support by way of an epidural. Reflecting on her birth and the speed of it, Natalie found herself wishing she had more of a plan. She was receiving medication; she couldn’t recall why she was taking it or what it was called. Her family arrived in full force, and she began to feel uncomfortable as the room was crowded and overwhelming, which deterred her focus and ability from being calm. Her birth space had made what could have been a smoother process complicated by the use of forceps, suctioning, and an episiotomy.

One week into postpartum, Natalie found herself feeling depressed. She had limited support at home as her partner had to work, and her mother had been with her for the first week. Intrusive thoughts and breastfeeding challenges led to a lack of sleep and anxiety. She became suicidal and sought help. Natalie shared her feelings and thoughts with her partner and family. She began using antidepressants, but it wasn’t enough as the anxiety and highs and lows continued. Natalie was admitted to a mental health facility to protect herself. Listen on as Natalie shares her harrowing journey through postpartum depression, anxiety and how she was open to not just therapy but medication and continued support.

66 | Universal Language - Heather Gallagher

In thinking about what she wanted for her birth, she wanted it to be full of choices and led by her voice. For Heather, that meant a strong birth team of doulas and midwives, having a homebirth, and following her body and baby's lead. At about 45 weeks, after a walk under the full moon, Heather's water broke, and things began moving pretty fast. After laboring for about four to five hours, Heather was pushing, yet she would be stopped suddenly by her midwife, expressing to her that they would need to head to the hospital, making it clear that this was an emergency. Her son's head was stuck behind her pelvis and would need support from forceps for his arrival.

Heather's postpartum journey has had its hills and valleys. Dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety for about three and a half to four years, a diagnosis that she didn't get until her son was two and a half - " I knew I was in it, but I didn't know what it was, I just thought this was my new normal." While also working through her mental health, she was navigating her nursing journey. Due to the forceps, her son needed cranial sacral therapy to get his jaw back in alignment, impacting his beginning of nursing. But they were able to find their rhythm until he was about five and a half. A dance they worked through continuously figuring out what worked for them. All of this is a testament to her spectrum of life, an aspect that Heather takes into her work.

Heather considers herself a full spectrum photography - documenting all facets and stages of life, from the time you enter the world, through the life you lead, and upon your transition into death. Understanding the vulnerability and trust needed for capturing these experiences with authenticity, Heather's work is "extremely inclusive, empathetic and intimate" aspects that she also takes to support families as a full spectrum doula again honoring life and death. She is hoping that with her new project within Life's a Spectrum, she can unveil new parts for people about themselves. An ability to look at the layers of their life, the emotions they have carried, where they set their boundaries and limits, but most importantly, what's their center and where they always come back to.

12 | Birth & The Art of Mindfulness - Laurel Gourrier

Parenthood as a whole has this way of requiring you to surrender. Surrendering to the unknown, knowing though, that it's going to be a beautiful journey. When Laurel was finally able to yield she describes her son's birth as transformative for her relationship with herself mentally and physically. Many people claim birth to be a rebirth for the birthing person; her story is a reflection of that.

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