Natalie Nicole joined us to share the birth story of her rainbow baby. After experiencing a miscarriage on New Year’s day of 2014, she was terrified of being pregnant again. So that June, when she found out she was pregnant, she was fearful about the same outcome. But in January 2015, her son was born, and answering her prayers and showing her strength.

During her 38 week appointment with her doctor, she had a cervical exam and learned, to her surprise, that she was nearly 10 cm dilated. Things moved quickly to get her settled in the delivery room. Natalie still had her bag of waters intact, and she received a pitocin drip as recommended by her provider to speed up labor. After laboring with pitocin, Natalie knew she wanted additional support by way of an epidural. Reflecting on her birth and the speed of it, Natalie found herself wishing she had more of a plan. She was receiving medication; she couldn’t recall why she was taking it or what it was called. Her family arrived in full force, and she began to feel uncomfortable as the room was crowded and overwhelming, which deterred her focus and ability from being calm. Her birth space had made what could have been a smoother process complicated by the use of forceps, suctioning, and an episiotomy.

One week into postpartum, Natalie found herself feeling depressed. She had limited support at home as her partner had to work, and her mother had been with her for the first week. Intrusive thoughts and breastfeeding challenges led to a lack of sleep and anxiety. She became suicidal and sought help. Natalie shared her feelings and thoughts with her partner and family. She began using antidepressants, but it wasn’t enough as the anxiety and highs and lows continued. Natalie was admitted to a mental health facility to protect herself. Listen on as Natalie shares her harrowing journey through postpartum depression, anxiety and how she was open to not just therapy but medication and continued support.