Healing — View All

142 | Lessons Learned - Vienna Fernandez

When pregnant with her first child, there was a sense of loneliness. She and her husband lived in a space that wasn't close to family, and working in the city meant a long commute for them—a distraction from being able to be present during her pregnancy. Vienna expressed that it wasn't something she was truly prepared for when reflecting on her birth prep. She knew she wanted to have an unmedicated birth, but when her water broke, and she arrived at the hospital, 4cm dilated, she realized there was much more to the experience than she knew about.

She felt like her care providers weren't communicating well with her throughout her labor about the shifts happening and the interventions provided. As her son was having trouble descending during the pushing phase, her doctor proceeded with an episiotomy and vacuum support - an end to an experience that felt rushed to Vienna and left her confused.

Vienna would hold this memory close when she became pregnant with her second child. From her son's birth, she knew that she hadn't got the support she needed and couldn't trust her care providers to provide the education and advocacy she wanted or deserved. With revelation would be tough as, during her 30-week appointment, they discovered her daughter was measuring small, and close monitoring was needed. Vienna fell into a space of self-doubt and fear and didn't know who to lean to for support. Again wanting an unmedicated birth and knowing somewhat what to expect, she asked all the questions during her birth. And was very vocal about what her body needed. While her daughter came into this world weighing less than 6 pounds, Vienna felt that her voice had been louder and heard in this experience.

Her third birth was the culmination of everything she had taken from her first two births. Navigating changes brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic and the unexpectedness of being pregnant, Vienna hired a doula to help support her. With this birth and pregnancy, she was able to be much more in tune with her body and how this birth would look and feel. Each one of her births had been a deep lesson. Not only in how she wanted her births to be but ultimately how she wants to show us as a mother and for herself.

Hospital Birth, COVID-19, PostpartumLaurel GourrierApril 8, 2022Birth Trauma, Healing, Birth Preparation, Postpartum SupportComment

141 | Forged in the Storm - Letitia & Brandon Gordon

Letitia and Brandon Gordon discovered they were expecting their second child when she was in nursing school. She found herself in a season of busyness and wanted to complete as much schoolwork as possible while managing her own business and their family.

Much to their surprise, Letitia started noticing signs of labor when she was 28 weeks gestation. After informing her doctor of her concerns, her provider assured her that it was not labor and shouldn’t be concerned. Her doctor was dismissive; that’s a common issue when we talk to Black women who have had complications in their pregnancies and labor. Unfortunately, Letitia was right; she was in labor and would report to the hospital the next day. Fear and panic kicked in, and her husband was a steady source of comfort and grounding as they prepared to welcome their second son unexpectedly early.

Letitia’s birth experience altered her career path, as she planned to be a psychiatric nurse. She’s now a labor and delivery nurse, trained birth doula, and a midwifery student. She brings hope, comfort, and support to expectant families with her own lives experiences and skills.

Letitia opened up about a new battle, breast cancer, during our interview. She is undergoing treatment and maintaining her family and professional responsibilities. Many of you know the toll that cancer treatment can take on a family and their finances. We have an ask - if you feel moved to support Letitia and her family, please listen to her birth story, and donate to her GoFundMe account.

129 | Victorious Together - Chelsea Butler

Chelsea always knew that her first child would be a son. However, she couldn't predict the circumstances of when she would become pregnant. A global pandemic would bring her aspirations of acting to a screeching halt as production stopped. She shifted gears as she needed to prepare for caring for herself and a new baby. Emotional issues developed as her relationship with her partner deteriorated. She felt alone. Depression set in, and conflict with friends and family grew.

Elevated blood pressure, news that the baby was determined to be large for his gestational age, and gestational diabetes concerns overshadowed her birth plan hopes. Her provider started discussing a surgical birth before she had an opportunity to labor. She disagreed with her OB/GYN's preeclampsia diagnosis and decided to change from hospital birth to a birth center that could support her plans. The midwives at the birth center agreed to accept her for care. She didn't feel connected to them or fully confident about the birthing space, but she pushed forward as it seemed like a better option than the hospital.

Chelsea's membranes ruptured, and she contacted the birth center. She was told to rest and give herself time, and she eventually went in to have her fluid tested for amniotic fluid. After two days of leaking and intense back pain, she contacted the midwives, and they told her to wait again. She reported to the birth center on the third day, and her rupture was confirmed. However, she had not dilated despite feeling like her body had completed a lot of work. She kept herself active and wanted to use water therapy to support her comfort. She would manage the labor, but her cervix did not dilate. She would eventually transfer to the hospital to manage the rest of her labor. The hospital shift was challenging mentally and physically. Chelsea reached ten cms and immediately started to push even though her son was still high in her pelvis. A surgical birth became her last option, and it was quickly discovered that her baby had swallowed meconium and had fluid in his lungs. In addition, she had nearly hemorrhaged. She reflected on the intensity and degree of interventions in the hospital; everything she had wanted for her birth had crumbled. She felt disconnected from the people caring for her and the space she was in.

Carrying all of the trauma home with her new baby would be a rollercoaster. Therapy and group support have helped. She has also connected with the women in her family to help build her connections and heal. Healing comes one day at a time with intention.

116 | Healing From Within - Tiffany & Krystle Smith

Tiffany shared her birth story and reflections on her journey through a rough pregnancy, being sent home from the hospital, resulting in unassisted home birth, and how her healing from it all continues 11 years later.

Labor thrives best in an environment where the birthing person feels safe, secure, and supported. The environment should be comfortable and consistent with minimal interruptions. These factors were challenging to grasp for Tiffany as she didn't know where she would be or who would help her deliver her child. Tiffany's managed her labor at home as she leaned into family support. When contractions reached 5-10 minutes apart, she called the hospital, and she was encouraged to report there. Upon her arrival, she discovered she was dilated 2cm. She chose to stay at the hospital and walk until she felt a shift. She was rechecked with some progress and informed the provider that she wanted to stay due to how intense her labor felt and how far her home was. The medical providers were dismissive and wanted to send her home. Eventually, her sister took her home, and she continued to manage her labor at home on her own. Tiffany had the urge to push as she entered her bathroom, and she pushed her son out over her toilet - 3 hours of leaving the hospital. Tiffany managed to wake her mother and call 911, and they were instructed to clear the baby's airway and tie off the umbilical cord. Tiffany and her son were picked up by the ambulance and went to a local emergency room. Aftercare had to be taken over by the first hospital. The hospital stated they were full and led her to yet another hospital. Tiffany suspects that the initial hospital was full, and that's why they sent her home. She only wished they had informed her of that then, as she had not planned to give birth at home, essentially by herself.

Planned home birth with medical support or an unassisted birth planned is not the same as unexpectedly delivering your first child at home. Tiffany and her son were neglected and left vulnerable to adverse birth outcomes. Tiffany is still working on healing through the traumatic birth of her child. The intrusive thoughts of her value in this world haunt her. Healing is not a linear process, and we are thankful for her share. We hope that her story reaches the ears of those working in birth spaces, and they are convicted to not only think about their practices but also do the work and realign with what birth work should be.

105 | Finding Balance - Hiwote Bekele

May is Maternal Mental Health Month. When we finished recording Hiwote's story and sitting in processing with her, we knew her story aligned with the awareness this month brings forth. Hiwote's story carries the heavy parts that we often hear of - the weight of being a Black birthing person, navigating a medical system that isn't designed to support us. There is birth trauma in this story.

Sharing on BSiC was the first time Hiwote would be reflecting on her experience aloud. Her story highlights the disparities of the Black and Immigrant community - how our experiences are not monolithic but often intertwined. The lack of research for treating mental health within the immigrant community. And how impactful our cultural practices and traditions can be to our healing and mental health.

Birth is sacred, and our birth stories live with us forever embedded in our very being. In finding the BSiC space, Hiwote was ready to release this part of her journey. What she received at the end of sharing was the beginning of healing—being able to start a new as she and her husband expand their family once again.

104 | Choosing Joy - Dadriaunna Hayes

Dae joined us to share her beautifully intertwined birth stories of loss and joy reclaimed. She experienced the unexpected loss of her first child during the early part of her third trimester. She began a healing journey that included therapy, where she started journaling. The process proved therapeutic and taught her how to make space for herself and rebuild her trust in God.

Dae worked through the waves of grief and discovered she was pregnant again; this time, it was during a pandemic. She gathered her team, created an active morning routine, and simply chose to enjoy the pregnancy. They planned for a birth at home and put in the work to make it happen by hiring a midwife and doula. After managing through over 20 hours of labor, they decided to transition to the hospital. She continued to labor without progressing and found herself at peace at how birth would unfold and welcomed her son via surgical birth.

Dae has adopted a belief of motherhood as a joyous experience. She has developed a community online that has centered the scripture referencing beauty for ashes. She is now holding space for women who have experienced some form of loss and want to exchange that grief for a new experience of joy and beauty.

92 | Better Than I Planned - Ashley Shepard

Knowing her mother's birth stories - all of her children's birth from start to finish being 4 hours, Ashley envisioned she would have a similar experience. So when her water broke three days after her estimated due date, she arrived at the hospital ready for the journey to be swift. Settling into the hospital at 9 am, Ashley was 2cm dilated, and by the afternoon, was told had progressed to 8cm. To her surprise, once her doctor arrived and did a cervical exam, she expressed that Ashley was only 5cm. Ashley was, of course, disappointed but knew that she had to stay in a serene and positive mindset. As she labored through the day and progression remained in the same spot, Ashley, her husband, and birth team tried many options, finally deciding that her son's arrival would be a surgical birth.

Leaving the hospital and returning home was tough; Ashley was managing her physical healing from a surgery she hadn't expected, working through nursing challenges and also the mental toll of this new transition. Creating with food had always been an outlet for Ashley; during her pregnancy, she prepared ready-made meals for postpartum that would be easy for her and her husband to make—having food in this way assisted with her body recovery and recovery mentally. But even with that, Ashley felt like she wasn't allowing a release for her thoughts or feelings from having postpartum anxiety and baby blues. Not finding what she needed, she decided to create a guided journal. A space that she could communicate her feelings with no pressure or judgments. A safe space serving as self-care, a reminder that as a birthing parent, "you are important.." and all parts of you "have a space in your baby's life."

76 | A Journey Towards Healing: Motherhood After Loss - Alishia Anderson

This is a story about loss - In memory of Derek Jerrell Anderson Jr., aka DJ

Alishia Anderson shares that motherhood has stretched her in ways she didn't even know she could be stretched. That the lessons she has taken from her journey are that "motherhood is very unpredictable, and having living children is an underrated blessing!"

Her motherhood journey was turned upside down as within her first pregnancy at 28 weeks, during a routine ultrasound appointment, they discovered her son no longer had a heartbeat. Needing time to process, Alishia and her husband decided to move forward with induction for the next day. That evening they prepared to meet their son, researching what it meant to lose a baby this early, the name for their experience, and trying to gain some sense of what to expect. After three days of labor, she gave birth to her angel baby Derrek Jerrell Anderson Jr., aka DJ. The groundwork that a supportive nurse provided in helping her understand the reality of what postpartum would look like as a stillbirth survivor was something Alishia found to be fundamental in finding healing and also navigating becoming a parent again.

A year later, Alisha and her husband would add their rainbow baby Grayson to their family and their golden baby Gavin two and a half years after that. And each story bringing its twists and turns but embracing everything within them.

58 | Story of Malachi: Living Through Loss - Crystall Boatwright

This is a story about loss - In memory of Malachi Cayden Boatwright

Crystall was 28 weeks before she found out she was pregnant. and there were some daunting concerns about the baby's health. They spent the rest of the day through testing and trying to process all the information. Malachi was born 7lbs, eyes bright and open taking in his parents. After some time in NICU, he transitioned with his father rocking and singing to him. Crystall is honest that it was tough and painful to try and go back to what was. As she put it, how do you explain to people what you went through and what you're going through - "There is no baby in me and no baby in my arms."

Crystall attributes that the place she is currently on her journey is due to finding community and other families that had walked in her shoes. Others allowed her to share her truth, all parts of it without question, and with lots of love. There is healing in community, there is support in community, and there is always space in community - in whatever capacity you may need it.

44 | Birthed From the Heart - Tara Clifton

Tara found out she was pregnant during her sophomore year of college and immediately was met with shame. Coming from a family that wasn't fond of her experience and attending a predominantly white Christian college, she spent most of her pregnancy in isolation, not talking about it and shutting herself into her dorm room.The dismissal of her journey also showed up during the birth of her daughter. Her doctor and nurses ignored her wishes and were forceful in their approach, resulting in Tara's explaining a traumatic birth experience.

Feeling a sense of loss from who she was before her baby, both physically and how she could live her life, Tara is clear that she suffered from postpartum depression. After an incident, Tara knew a change needed to happen. In a Facebook mother's group, she began sharing her story, finding that she wasn't alone in her experience and that others connected with her. She shared more, hoping that by doing so, others wouldn't go through the same thing, but she also found healing in sharing.

We leave every episode with lessons, and Tara's were;

"Don't allow your truth to be silenced because it makes other people uncomfortable." - Tara Clifton
The importance and value of community birth workers with similar lived experiences working under a lens of reproductive justice.

As we navigate the COVID-19 pandemic and the tighter lens of racism, the lessons learned from Tara's are even more important!

43 | Saul's Light - Kimberly Novod

This is a story about loss - In memory of Saul

With no early indication, in 2014, Kimberly and Aaron Novod's son, Saul, was born prematurely at twenty-eight weeks and six days. He was whisked to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Initially, they thought he was going to do well and would be bringing their baby home. Yet, baby Saul passed after twenty days in the NICU due to a brain bleed. As a way to process through their grief and work on healing, Kimberly and her husband Aaron created Saul's Light. During their time of need, their community surrounded them in love and support, which was an integral part of their healing process. Thus, making it their mission to provide the same outpouring to all NICU and bereaved families. A vital part of the support provided to families is through mobilizing people, organizations, and resources directly from their community.

In the sharing of her birth story, Kimberly makes it clear and points that we cannot ignore the disparities that black and brown babies are overrepresented in the NICU and the graveyard. When parents are present for their babies and present in their care, they have better outcomes. Saul's Light allows for families to have that, responsive to the whole experience of NICU and also addressing infant mortality. It is a communal embrace, reminding families that their community cares about them, and they're not alone!

38 & 39 | Reimagining the Village - Tayo Mbande & Toni Taylor

The saying goes, "it takes a village to raise a child" - hearing Tayo and her mother share Tayo's birth experience not only affirms this but reveals it takes a village to birth a mother.

Tayo knew for her third pregnancy and birth; she was going to need to facilitate her experience with intense intention. From her previous births, birthing at a hospital was not an option, so with the support of her mother and husband, she prepared to have a family homebirth, absent of a midwife. Yet, this pregnancy was opposite from her others, and there was a point where she thought her homebirth wouldn't come to fruition. Tayo relied heavily on her mother for support throughout her earlier births. This time around, her mother pushed for Tayo and her husband to create a stronger bond they could depend on and believe in each other as a support unit.

Reimagining her village, she let herself to be fully loved and cared for, throughout the pregnancy, her birth, and at the beginning of her postpartum and still currently. Everyone showing up for her makes her show up for herself.

Tayo and Toni have a beautiful bond; they have now created a space to support and uplift the families in their community in that same sacred love. The Chicago Birth Collective is the village, a collective of birth workers, healers, and wellness practitioners serving and healing Black families across Chicago.

35 | The Strength of a Mother - Mela Murder

When asked what image she saw in her mind of her family, Mela replied with, " I am the chief, and I am holding it down." Her birth stories highlight the importance of representation in care and understanding your rights as a patient.

During her first pregnancy, Mela was supported by midwives and planned to have her baby at the birth center. As with many of our birth stories, her plans shifted. After going into spontaneous labor and arriving at the hospital, she learned that there was meconium (a baby's first poop). The doctors informed her that because of this, they were giving her 24 hours to deliver her baby, and would need to start her on Pitocin to help her labor progress faster. What stands out to Mela, is that she didn't know what was happening throughout her experience, including never consenting to the episiotomy she was given. Her second pregnancy allowed her to connect the dots from her first, and she prepared to have a birth led by her voice. Mela has found strength in her journey and story, those experiences have given her the tools to be the mother she is today, and to support other mothers to feel empowered as well.

32 | Navigating Motherhood Through The Lens of Postpartum Depression - Briara Lowery

After having her son, she expressed that physically she healed well, yet struggled healing mentally. When considering what postpartum might look like, she didn't think postpartum depression was something that would affect her. Looking at all the risk factors, in her mind, she didn't fit the mold. Her experience with postpartum depression required her to process her birth, examine how she was taking care of herself, and reflect on her expectations of what parenthood should look like. In doing that work, she acquired the tools to navigate that part of her postpartum journey.

Briara found power in telling her story and wanted to spread awareness while doing so. She founded Melanin Mommies, a Philadelphia based nonprofit and safe space for pregnant, new and seasoned mothers alike. Lowery noticed that the mothers in her community did not have as much access to resources as other mothers in more affluent areas, and so she decided to make a change. It is a space for mothers of color to connect, find healing, and discuss navigating the realities of motherhood.

31 | Breaking Generational Cycles - Brandy Wells MSW, LISW

Brandy shared the pregnancies and births of her three daughters. As you listen, you can connect with the intentionality of the growth she has achieved through her parenthood journey. Her first birth, she wasn't prepared, and it manifested not only how she took care of herself during the pregnancy but also in her birth. Knowing that wasn't what she wanted, with each new experience, she added preparation elements, to ensure she could walk away from her experiences empowered.

It was beautiful to hear how using conscious parenting or as Brandy describes it "teaching lessons while parenting," she is breaking generational traumas and cycles. Her children can see the growth of their parents and echo it in their development and relationships.

A key component of Brandy's growth is how she has engaged her elders — speaking to them about their births and childhood. Using the gift of storytelling to dig deeper into her healing while also creating stronger bonds. She left us with a plethora of tools on navigating how to hold space for ourselves and our families.

29 | My Existence is Valid - Stephanie Mitchell CNM, MSN, DNP

For many of our guests, sharing their story on this platform is the first time they have processed out their experience. Sharing the parts of their story that they may have kept tucked away or didn't even realize had an impact on them. As we listen to Dr. Stephanie Mitchell CNM, MSN, DNP, reflect on her inaugural birth, we see how her birth set the tone for who she would be as a care provider.

Her own experiences of parenthood and working within the healthcare system highlighted the opportunity for change when we respect the connections made through storytelling. Dr. Mitchell supports her patients with the intent of guiding them to resources and information. As she put it, "not letting my office day define the information that I give." When we think about the care and our relationship with our care provider, we envision someone like Dr. Mitchell. Someone willing to go outside of the box. Finding the balance of mixing their own lived experience, training, and our lived experience within our care. That at the end of our time together, we know we were heard and seen!

21 | Birth is Art - Lauren Turner

It was a great learning experience to listen as Lauren shared how her nursing journey with her daughter helped her to heal from past traumas and especially during her postpartum. In times when she was struggling she would reflect and sit in that space with her daughter using that time to anchor herself from what she was feeling. While we emphasize how nursing can be vital for our children it can also be just as pivotal for the birthing person(s).

Beyond nursing, another avenue that Lauren has used to process and heal is through her art. Inspired by the births of her close friends, she felt moved to get back to her art. Using it as a vessel of storytelling and reflection for them. Lauren has always loved art, but now she’s found a new love for her craft as she's painting black women in the way she has always wanted to paint them!

17 | Standing in the Truth of Birth - Myra Barnes

Last month we were invited by the Birthmark Doula Collective to bring our podcast on the road and attend their first Black Birth Matters conference. It indeed was a day of empowerment and healing. During the conference, we set up a mini recording studio and invited attendees to come and share their birth stories. In doing so we met Myra Barnes, and she allowed us to hold space for her experience.

Myra's story was an accurate reflection of the conference. It highlighted the power in healing ourselves. Especially for women of color. When we can tap into the work (whatever that may look like) in making ourselves better, we can heal while adding in stopping cycles of trauma. To do that, we have to be ok with being vulnerable and transparent with our friends, our families and ourselves. Myra said it best, "I'm hoping that we can do a better job of supporting each other to be better givers of life. Better leaders and advocates, especially for ourselves in a world where we have been conditioned to be silent."

Birth Center, PostpartumLaurel GourrierNovember 19, 2018Healing, Midwife, Trauma, Birth ConferenceComment

16 | Healing - Erica Maddox

Erica was 19 when she had her daughter and while she wasn't necessarily sure how to prep she knew that no matter what she had to be in good space and mindset. Once her daughter made her arrival, Erica found herself struggling to navigate postpartum. A sentiment that many birthing parents can connect with. Breastfeeding was difficult, she was working through feelings of self-doubt and not being a good enough mother. While she was able to put on a face for everyone around her, internally, she knew something was wrong.

Erica is hoping that by being open about her experience and sharing her story, she's helping to normalize conversations of postpartum struggles.

Hospital Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierNovember 15, 2018Doula, Postpartum Depression, Teen Parent, HealingComment

08 | Primal Birth: Birth as Physiology - Amy Lee

All five of Amy's children were born unassisted in her home. A deliberate decision made by her and her partner as they wanted to ensure the sacred moment of the birth of their children was led and governed by their decisions. For those unfamiliar with unassisted birth, families who choose to create this birth space usually birth without the support of doctors or midwives. Through her births, Amy was able to find healing from past trauma and now guides other families who want to have the same experience.

UnassistedLaurel GourrierApril 12, 2018Healing, TraumaComment

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