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122 | To the Moon & Back - Alicia Tetteh

Alicia Tetteh joins us for a second time after sharing her twin birth with us in Episode 57: The Body Holds the Score. Alicia and her husband, Solomon, discovered they were expecting their third child during the pandemic shutdown of 2020. Luna was a surprise for them but came with a new and experienced version of Alicia.

Alicia started with a previous hospital for care but added midwifery support as she considered birthing at home. After garnering support from Solomon, she began planning an intentional homebirth with a Black midwife for the pregnancy. Despite finding a Black midwife, she had difficulty finding Black birthers who had experienced a homebirth to offer additional support. They worked towards preparation for the birth by reading and leaning into the midwife to answer her questions.

Alicia admits that there were some unrealistic expectations about laboring at home that didn’t match the visuals in her mind or on social media. Labor started after a family walk through a petting zoo. When they arrived home, Alicia found herself unable to relax and move through the pain of the contractions. Her choices regarding food, music, and creating her environment ranked high on what she was thankful for. She contributes Solomon and Jesus for her ability to deliver their baby girl at home without medication. Her previous twin birth was a surgical delivery, and she had been numbed through the physical feelings of delivery.

Preparation for birth was high on the list; however, postpartum planning took a backseat. Alicia found herself unprepared, despite the memories of her twin birth recovery. The physicality of birth was heavy on Alicia’s body. There was support from family, friends, and their doula in the first couple of weeks. After the first month, sleep routines and managing twin toddlers took over their world. Solomon and Alicia have managed their “new normal” with teamwork and genuine co-parenting. Alicia wants moms to maintain their sense of self and have an identity outside of motherhood that helps them experience the joys of life.

121 |Aligning Care - Dr. Petagaye English

Dr. Petagaye English graciously joined us to share her experiences with pregnancy and birth. Her pregnancy would challenge her health and wellness and desire to be a "model patient." Because Petagaye is a physician, her provider did not follow AGOC recommendations which would have helped release her from being her own caregiver. There is a difference between being your own advocate and being charged with monitoring your own vitals and determining when you need additional care. Petagaye deserved to have a provider who took medical history into account every step of the way. She changed providers but still found herself back under that physician's care in postpartum. A birthing person deserves care that allows them to take off the hats they wear every time they enter a space to be cared for. Her provider honed in on issues that didn't match Petagaye's concerns and missed vital information that ultimately led her to change providers at 32 weeks gestation. Her new provider was focused and attentive to her medical care and monitored her closely. She was eventually scheduled for an induction.

The labor process proved stressful as her pregnancy had been shrouded with medical issues beyond her control, leaving her feeling robbed of some of the joys of pregnancy. Leading up to her delivery, she experienced anemia, hypertension concerns, and intrauterine growth restriction. She would deliver her baby after 40 hours of labor. But because her baby was smaller than average, she stayed in the hospital longer for bilirubin treatment and blood sugar monitoring. Unfortunately, she would return to the hospital for postpartum preeclampsia under the doctor's care she had fired at 32 weeks.

Dr. English credits her pregnancy challenges with shifting her practice in the care of her patients. She never wants anyone to feel the way she did during her pregnancy. She spent so much energy trying to be a "model patient" that her care from other medical professionals was neglectful and dismissive. Her advice is not to be afraid to seek care from somewhere else if the care you are receiving does not match your research and preferences.

120 | Surviving the System - Teairra Cummings

When Teairra was pregnant with her second son, she knew right away. Once confirmed, she began preparing for a birth in which she felt that she was in control. She decided a homebirth was best and hired a midwife who was supportive of all of her decisions to navigate her pregnancy in a way that felt intuitive, safe, and liberating for her.

Late in her pregnancy, Teairra traveled with her grandmother to support her as her grandmother's son was passing. Upon returning from the trip, her midwife noticed a large amount of swelling and encouraged her that she probably shouldn't travel anymore and start bed rest. But a week after her grandmother's son passed, having spent that time on bed rest and her swelling better, Teairra decided to join her at the funeral in Missouri. On March 12, 37 weeks pregnant, while getting ready to head to the airport to return to LA, Teairra felt her water break a little. She called her sister, instructing her to let her midwife know she was heading back to and prepare to meet her at her home for the birth. Teairra's sister encouraged her to go to the hospital as she probably wouldn't make it home in time. Teairra agreed and headed with her mother to the closest hospital to their home.

She had decided to have a Lotus birth, which the hospital was not well educated about or had experience with. The nurses began using intimidation tactics to force Teairra to adhere to hospital protocols that did not serve her, her healthy son, or her birth experience. Standing firm in her choices, this medical harassment continued for two days. Speaking with her midwife in LA, she instructed her that she needed to leave the hospital or risk the hospital trying to take her baby. Her midwife walked her through what to say to hospital staff, what to get in writing so that she could sign out "Against Medical Advisement." Under immense stress and great haste, Teairra left the hospital with her mother, not expecting this fight to continue once she was home.

Being sent by the hospital staff, police began harassing Teairra's neighbors and family members of her whereabouts and surrounding her home for about a week, with DFS not letting up for an additional 30 days. On May 23rd, she was finally able to return home to LA with her son and fours years after still healing, but able to process and share while helping others on their journeys.

119 | Birthing in Light, Hope & Honesty - Alyestal Thomas

We first met Alyestal Thomas when she shared her first birth story with us (Ep. 19 |The Power Within) and were delighted when she reached out to share her second. This pregnancy would bring both mental and physical challenges for Alyestal to navigate. Her anemia had brought on intense exhaustion that would require continuous monitoring throughout her pregnancy. And while at times she would feel she had strong management of that, her mental health suffered quite a bit. Her prenatal anxiety was rising, with panic attacks about 4 to 5 times a week. She knew to be in a space to birth her baby the way she wanted to; she had to confront this challenge and be honest about it. So when she connected with her midwives, she was open with them about how she was feeling about her pregnancy. They were able to connect her with a therapist to unpack her feelings and fear. Therapy affirmed the challenges of being pregnant during a pandemic paired with not always having her husband present when she needed his support and advocacy. And that she was allowed the space to grieve missing and losing expectations that she had for this pregnancy.

With her first birth, Alyestal experienced a TV-worthy breaking of her waters. A concern she had this time around is that this wouldn't be the case, and she wouldn't know when she was in labor. However, a week before her daughter was due; she had another TV-worthy breaking of her waters. COntractions were a bit inconsistent, but she reached out to her midwives to keep them informed. As labor progressed, she and her midwives decided their arrival would be best. When they arrived at 1:30 am, they did a cervical check, and Alyestal was 2cm dilated. After some discussion about the next steps, she consented to a stretch and sweep. Her midwives left and instructed her to call when she felt they were needed again. That call came at 2:30 am with the midwives arriving at 3 am - and Alyestal soon after meeting her daughter 4 mins to 5 am. When describing her birth, Alyestal expresses that "birth was everything that didn't know she wanted it to be and birth was everything she wanted it to be." Feelings that she wishes for every birthing individual to feel - a sense of comfort and ease.

117 | Staying Present - Annette Perel

Before the pregnancy of her son, Annette Perel had been a doula for about four years. Considering her experience from supporting other families, she was set on the plans for her birth and what she needed to do to prepare. Key aspects of that preparation included hiring a doula and midwife for her home birth, learning to become assertive in her communication to advocate for herself, and soaking in the joy of her pregnancy.

Not able to turn her doula hat off, Annette was sure that her son would be coming past his estimated due date. Thanksgiving evening, she was surprised as she began noticing some early signs of labor but pushed them off as she could move through contractions with ease. That night she was even able to sleep through them. Over the next two days, she would fall into a rhythm of working through manageable contractions throughout the day that would subside in the evening and morning. Annette and her son's father took that time to complete the last preparation before his arrival.

Moving into day three, labor would begin to shift and become more intense, Annette needing to lean into the support of her son's father and doula. Staying present in her birth was very important for her - an anchor that allowed her to connect with her baby and body, serving as a technique for managing labor and allowing her to trust herself. This would be vital as Annette delivered her baby into her own hands with the support of her doula and midwife, who was providing guidance via phone (as she was still making her way to Annette). A moment she describes as feeling "guided, protected, safe and exactly how that labor was supposed to happen."

Home Birth, PostpartumLaurel GourrierAugust 3, 2021Black Doulas, Doula Support, Home Birth Family, Village Support, Trust BirthComment

116 | Healing From Within - Tiffany & Krystle Smith

Tiffany shared her birth story and reflections on her journey through a rough pregnancy, being sent home from the hospital, resulting in unassisted home birth, and how her healing from it all continues 11 years later.

Labor thrives best in an environment where the birthing person feels safe, secure, and supported. The environment should be comfortable and consistent with minimal interruptions. These factors were challenging to grasp for Tiffany as she didn't know where she would be or who would help her deliver her child. Tiffany's managed her labor at home as she leaned into family support. When contractions reached 5-10 minutes apart, she called the hospital, and she was encouraged to report there. Upon her arrival, she discovered she was dilated 2cm. She chose to stay at the hospital and walk until she felt a shift. She was rechecked with some progress and informed the provider that she wanted to stay due to how intense her labor felt and how far her home was. The medical providers were dismissive and wanted to send her home. Eventually, her sister took her home, and she continued to manage her labor at home on her own. Tiffany had the urge to push as she entered her bathroom, and she pushed her son out over her toilet - 3 hours of leaving the hospital. Tiffany managed to wake her mother and call 911, and they were instructed to clear the baby's airway and tie off the umbilical cord. Tiffany and her son were picked up by the ambulance and went to a local emergency room. Aftercare had to be taken over by the first hospital. The hospital stated they were full and led her to yet another hospital. Tiffany suspects that the initial hospital was full, and that's why they sent her home. She only wished they had informed her of that then, as she had not planned to give birth at home, essentially by herself.

Planned home birth with medical support or an unassisted birth planned is not the same as unexpectedly delivering your first child at home. Tiffany and her son were neglected and left vulnerable to adverse birth outcomes. Tiffany is still working on healing through the traumatic birth of her child. The intrusive thoughts of her value in this world haunt her. Healing is not a linear process, and we are thankful for her share. We hope that her story reaches the ears of those working in birth spaces, and they are convicted to not only think about their practices but also do the work and realign with what birth work should be.

115 | Intuitive Solitude - Lauren Collins

Dr. Lauren Collins, a chiropractor, and birthworker tapped into the wisdom and experiences of the families she's supported over the years and empowered her during her homebirth. A birth that was peaceful, intense, and also faster than expected.

The day her labor started, she started to busy herself but again felt led to rest. She eventually became restless and began to move through her contractions. Lauren's doula and husband helped her with position changes and comfort measures. She utilized her home to her advantage to maintain a relaxed state of mind. Allowing is a state of mind that releases our minds from overworking so the body can work during labor according to its design. Her son would come much faster than expected for a first-time birthing parent. The birth team was not there yet as she was "pushy." Realizing her midwife would not make it in time to catch, Lauren tapped into her connection with her son. She said, "Ok, we just have to figure this out now." Her doula Facetimed the midwife to provide virtual support as Lauren successfully delivered her son into her arms in the shower. Lauren credits her preparation with her birthing team and some of the books she read during pregnancy for how she managed her labor despite not marking the typical milestones that she has seen in labors. Allowing space for solitude was vital in keeping her labor moving forward organically.

The difficulty in healing was more challenging for Lauren than the birth itself, partly due to her expectations. Learning to rely on other people as she healed proved to be an important opportunity to learn to give herself permission to seek support. Birth teams are critical to the success and overall positive experience of labor. Access to out-of-hospital birth has some obstacles, but whatever is in your power to control, build your team to meet those needs.

114 | The Birth of Ingrid & Isabel - Ingrid Carney

Within her pregnancy, Ingrid Carney would lean into a flexible and go with the flow mindset. As she came closer to the birth of her daughter, she felt like things would be textbook. So at eight and a half months, when she found out her daughter was breech, it wasn't something she felt prepared to handle. She gathered the information from the doctors and decided to move forward with trying to flip her daughter. Soon after the procedure, her water broke, and she would navigate three days of labor before her daughter was born. On the third day, reaching a point of feeling like she was tapped out, Ingrid and her husband decided to move forward with a surgical birth.

During the early parts of her postpartum, she had an extensive support system, but she found that she and her support system focused a lot on her daughter and not much on Ingrid's healing. At some point finding herself in what she described as a "fog" - but now knowing she was dealing with postpartum depression. Navigating it on her own with her husband, she slowly found her rhythm, and tides would change drastically after joining a mom's group. This group provided her community with others who were also working through their parenthood journey at the same time.

Joining this group would also be the beginning for Ingrid & Isabel. In a conversation in her mom's group, there was a discussion around products they all were using and whether or not they worked. Ingrid shared that she had created something - the Bellaband®. Seeing it and how it worked, the group encouraged her to move forward and make more. Taking advantage of nap time, Ingrid would use that time to explore fabrics and designs and, in November 2003, would have her first sale. The Bellaband® would become a product that brought her family together and has grown into a national company offering a full range of maternity essentials.

113 | Embracing Change - Charlotte Shook

By 40 weeks gestation, Charlotte had not started labor, and her provider was supportive in honoring waiting for any interventions until 41 weeks and not beyond 42 weeks. She found herself feeling anxious about the possibility of induction and the cascade of interventions. Fortunately, Charlotte’s body had spontaneously started labor, and her doula and doctor helped comfort her and ease her into the labor. Charlotte knew her membranes had ruptured but did not believe she was experiencing surges (contractions). She went to see her doctor after having ruptured membranes for 24 hours at her doctor’s request. Surprisingly, there was no physical evidence of progress in the labor, and the cascade of interventions began - cervical ripening, Pitocin, two epidurals, all over three days. Finally, her body relaxed and began to respond to the interventions. She called in her doula as they had managed virtual support due to Covid protocols at the hospital. After an hour of pushing, Charlotte was able to grab her baby and pull him out as he peacefully entered the world.

Postpartum sleep deprivation marked the experience once they went home. Charlotte made sure to step out for fresh air for walks with her husband. Family and friends were supportive by preparing and paying for meals and some limited in-person support. After a 12-week family leave, her husband returned to work, and things shifted for Charlotte and her son. He started having latch issues and losing weight. They tried a chiropractor, allergen tests (for dairy), and two lactation consultants. The second lactation consultant could meet “in person” and was the most helpful in addressing the issues.

Charlotte encourages birth preparation, and despite the shifts in her labor plans, she still used many techniques to center herself. She learned about all of the possibilities beforehand and offered herself grace to mourn the loss of the experience that she wanted.

111 | Redefining and Reconciling with Motherhood - Amber Thornton

At 39 weeks, around 9 pm, after watching a show with her husband, Dr. Amber Thorton got up and immediately felt her waters rupture. Her husband began organizing and preparing their things to allow birth to flow. During that time, she noticed that her contractions were intense and very consistent. Arriving at the hospital with her doula and husband for support, Dr. Amber was surprised to find that she was already 6cm. Settling in, she continued to move through labor and her birth plan. Labor continued to progress, but after 2 hours of pushing and her daughter not descending, Dr. Amber, with the support of her birth team, decided to move forward with a surgical birth.

The beginnings of postpartum would require an extended hospital stay as Dr. Amber did develop postpartum preeclampsia, a diagnosis she was encouraged to explore after a recommendation from her virtual community. It would also yield the transition of healing from her surgical birth, supporting her toddler and newborn, and reconciliation with herself around her birth. The transparency of "not liking having” a second surgical birth and “working through the what if's". Through those feelings, acknowledging that they are valid and not the sole determinant of her motherhood.

110 | The Sacred Bodies - Katya Suh

Katya Suh and her husband, Ndamunkong Suh felt uneasy in the early weeks of her pregnancy as she had early spotting that would significantly reduce physical activity. This proved challenging for Katya, a former collegiate basketball player, as she was accustomed to living an active lifestyle. The spotting was anxiety-producing, and she grew concerned about her ability to carry her pregnancy to term, especially since they were expecting twins. Katya described her prenatal care as excellent as she felt respected and heard during her prenatal visits. The spotting eventually subsided, but she needed to continue maintaining low physical activity. She felt fully supported by her husband during the whole pregnancy but especially in the first trimester. He assured her that "they" were good no matter what the outcome was. Katya viewed the third trimester as "crazy" as her husband and his team won the Super Bowl, moved into their new home, and began to prepare that space for the babies.

At 38 weeks, Katya consented to a scheduled induction. She was able to have both her husband and her mother present for the births, despite having been unsure if her mom would be allowed to attend due to the hospital's restrictions during the pandemic. Labor was intense, and she chose an epidural for additional comfort. Part of their birth plan was for Ndamunkong to stay with the babies if there were any issues. The first baby, Kingston, was healthy, and there were no complications for him. However, their second baby, Khari, had fluid in his lungs and needed additional medical support with a CPAP. Katya's husband went with Khari to be present during his treatment. After her deliveries, Katya experienced a postpartum hemorrhage - which resulted in her needing to receive two blood transfusions, and she has had a healthy recovery.

Katya has intentionally expressed her needs and emotions with her family and friends as she is still in the fourth trimester. She has learned to lean in for support and credits her village for how they are managing newborn twins — embracing her evolution in becoming a mother, both mentally and physically.

105 | Finding Balance - Hiwote Bekele

May is Maternal Mental Health Month. When we finished recording Hiwote's story and sitting in processing with her, we knew her story aligned with the awareness this month brings forth. Hiwote's story carries the heavy parts that we often hear of - the weight of being a Black birthing person, navigating a medical system that isn't designed to support us. There is birth trauma in this story.

Sharing on BSiC was the first time Hiwote would be reflecting on her experience aloud. Her story highlights the disparities of the Black and Immigrant community - how our experiences are not monolithic but often intertwined. The lack of research for treating mental health within the immigrant community. And how impactful our cultural practices and traditions can be to our healing and mental health.

Birth is sacred, and our birth stories live with us forever embedded in our very being. In finding the BSiC space, Hiwote was ready to release this part of her journey. What she received at the end of sharing was the beginning of healing—being able to start a new as she and her husband expand their family once again.

104 | Choosing Joy - Dadriaunna Hayes

Dae joined us to share her beautifully intertwined birth stories of loss and joy reclaimed. She experienced the unexpected loss of her first child during the early part of her third trimester. She began a healing journey that included therapy, where she started journaling. The process proved therapeutic and taught her how to make space for herself and rebuild her trust in God.

Dae worked through the waves of grief and discovered she was pregnant again; this time, it was during a pandemic. She gathered her team, created an active morning routine, and simply chose to enjoy the pregnancy. They planned for a birth at home and put in the work to make it happen by hiring a midwife and doula. After managing through over 20 hours of labor, they decided to transition to the hospital. She continued to labor without progressing and found herself at peace at how birth would unfold and welcomed her son via surgical birth.

Dae has adopted a belief of motherhood as a joyous experience. She has developed a community online that has centered the scripture referencing beauty for ashes. She is now holding space for women who have experienced some form of loss and want to exchange that grief for a new experience of joy and beauty.

103 | Extending Grace - Ashly White

Ashly was 18 years old when she was pregnant and birthed her first child. Reflecting, she expresses that she didn't know much, either about the preparation or what her experience could be like. Ashly and her partner flowed through, just trying to figure it all out. Her birth would include many shifts, and one that she felt lost in was bringing her baby earthside with a surgical birth.

When she began expanding her family again, she knew she wanted and deserved a different story. The moment she and her husband found out they were expecting, she began building her birth team - this included a doula from a local organization ROOTT and a black OB. The three of them worked together and filled in the gaps for each other when one couldn't hold a particular space for her. The support from her birth team surrounded her in not only care but also her whole family, allowing them to support Ashly in having the VBACs she had envisioned.

Throughout her journey, Ashly had to learn to extend grace to herself. In the moments that seemed out of her control, but especially in the moments that made her feel whole, and in each new stage of postpartum, she knows that has to be at the core - working on who she is outside of her kids, sharing " If I'm not whole, then what I'm giving them isn't the best of me." This being the part of her journey requiring the most grace.

Hospital Birth, VBAC, PostpartumLaurel GourrierMay 13, 2021VBAC, ROOTT Doulas, Black OBGYN, Black Families Matter, Black DoulasComment

102 | Affirming Black Motherhood - Shanicia Boswell

Shanicia Boswell, a self-proclaimed serial entrepreneur, reflected on the birth of her daughter. She recalls feeling like getting pregnant at 22 was like getting pregnant in high school. Her friends were busy continuing their education and traveling. She remembered not feeling accepted or treated well due to being young, Black, and unmarried. She knew that she wanted an unmedicated water birth and discovered that her hospital did not offer that opportunity. Shanicia boldly changed providers at 28 weeks gestation to match her personal birth preferences. When labor ensued, Shanicia found herself in awe of the birthing process and the wonder of her own body. She safely rode the wave, and her labor produced a beautiful baby girl without complications. As postpartum began, Shanicia’s mother stepped in to provide in-home support and helped with the transition. She experienced the “baby blues” as her body and mind had to reconnect and take on a new life.

Shanicia has channeled her pregnancy and parenting experiences from the lens of a Black woman into a career. Her latest project is a pregnancy book, Oh Sis, You’re Pregnant: The Ultimate Guide to Black Pregnancy and Motherhood, that flows through all of the ways we can prepare our minds and bodies for childbirth and the forever postpartum period. There are African birth traditions, detailed health concerns that tend to affect Black bodies more frequently, space for Black women to see themselves, and there is joy - a joy that fits the occasion of the blessing of a new life.

96 | Surrendering to the Process - Chanel Hogue

When pregnant with her second child, the physical aspects of the journey were familiar. Still, Chanel knew to prepare herself for the unfamiliar fully, and she would need to educate herself and build a birth team that she could trust, which would fully support her in moving forward with a VBAC. And while moving through those parts, she would also find that her personal healing would be just as important, this pregnancy being a light for that and teaching her patience and the power of releasing control.

Since her son had arrived early, Chanel was convinced that she would have the same experience for this pregnancy. At 41 weeks and one day, Chanel was starting to feel challenged mentally, but contractions would start developing some consistency, and she took that time to rest and move throughout her day. Their doula supported them in the early shifts and then transitioning to the birth center as things intensified. The birth centered provided Chanel with a sense of peace. Feeling like the "center of attention," which made her "feel covered, and protected and safe." A pivotal moment she expresses during her birth was as she was shifting into transition, feeling fatigued she took to solitude in the shower. She was spending an intimate moment in prayer with God, asking and reflecting on strength to continue. The moment she recalls fully surrendering - her baby arriving soon after.

95 | Just the Two of Us - Jordan Duckens & Rufus Ferguson

For Jordan and Rufus, knew they wanted to spend the first year of their marriage focused on just the two of them. And by year two, they were ready to expand their family, but as time moved throughout that year and they were still not pregnant, they began getting a bit concerned that maybe something was wrong. After a visit with their doctor and receiving the news that nothing seemed to be wrong, Jordan made a call to her mother-in-law, who had had a similar experience. She was able to express her concerns and fears. Her mother-in-law holding space for her at that moment, reassuring her that she would get pregnant when it needed to happen, and the following month that assurance came to fruition.

Two days after her estimated due date, Jordan started feeling contractions and immediately about five minutes apart. Wanting to labor at home as long as possible, she found relief in the tub. And as things intensified, Rufus encouraged her that it may be time for them to head to the hospital. When she arrived, she found out that she was four centimeters dilated. Rufus and Jordan felt very supported in the hospital, and when labor slowed down at nine and a half centimeters, her birth team encouraged many positional changes to help her daughter make her way. And after 15 minutes of pushing, she arrived earthside, with Rufus catching the perfect photo and her extended family watching via Facetime.

Rufus expressed that one area he wasn't prepared for was the transition of postpartum, which was made more challenging with the restrictions of COVID. They couldn't fully tap into their community; being in sync with each other throughout it all continues to help them find and share in the joyful moments.

93 | Rooted in the Body & the Home - Courtney Stallworth

Being a maternity nurse, Courtney knew the lack of focus on preparing for the fourth trimester. For her, a vital part of preparation when pregnant was anchoring into how she would support her healing and bonding during that time. This encompassed building a full birth team - a midwife aligned with her vision, a lactation consultant, a pelvic floor therapist, and ensuring her husband was empowered as well.

When early labor began at 38 weeks for Courtney's first birth, she spent most of that time in the sense of denial. As she moved about her day, her body and baby showed signs that his arrival would be soon. It took encouragement from her husband and midwife to help shift her mindset that the time had come. As she was having a homebirth, Courtney moved about her home and different positions to help with progression. It was a pivotal moment for her to feel her son engage in her pelvis, prompting her to have her husband get her birth pool ready and have her midwife join them. Being able to lean into her husband for support and having space to trust her body entirely, they welcomed their son soon after.

When she found herself experiencing the signs of labor again 16 months after her son's birth, the sense of familiarity with her body's response was strong. This progression was much faster, a surprise to Courtney, when she began pushing her "body, grabbed onto the energy," and her daughter began making her way.

91 | When A Mother's Pain Re-Births Her Calling - Natalie Nicole

Natalie Nicole joined us to share the birth story of her rainbow baby. After experiencing a miscarriage on New Year’s day of 2014, she was terrified of being pregnant again. So that June, when she found out she was pregnant, she was fearful about the same outcome. But in January 2015, her son was born, and answering her prayers and showing her strength.

During her 38 week appointment with her doctor, she had a cervical exam and learned, to her surprise, that she was nearly 10 cm dilated. Things moved quickly to get her settled in the delivery room. Natalie still had her bag of waters intact, and she received a pitocin drip as recommended by her provider to speed up labor. After laboring with pitocin, Natalie knew she wanted additional support by way of an epidural. Reflecting on her birth and the speed of it, Natalie found herself wishing she had more of a plan. She was receiving medication; she couldn’t recall why she was taking it or what it was called. Her family arrived in full force, and she began to feel uncomfortable as the room was crowded and overwhelming, which deterred her focus and ability from being calm. Her birth space had made what could have been a smoother process complicated by the use of forceps, suctioning, and an episiotomy.

One week into postpartum, Natalie found herself feeling depressed. She had limited support at home as her partner had to work, and her mother had been with her for the first week. Intrusive thoughts and breastfeeding challenges led to a lack of sleep and anxiety. She became suicidal and sought help. Natalie shared her feelings and thoughts with her partner and family. She began using antidepressants, but it wasn’t enough as the anxiety and highs and lows continued. Natalie was admitted to a mental health facility to protect herself. Listen on as Natalie shares her harrowing journey through postpartum depression, anxiety and how she was open to not just therapy but medication and continued support.

85 |There is Always Room for Healing - Anese Barnett

When Anese and her husband found out they were pregnant, it was not only a surprise but extremely exciting. They were caught off guard when at ten weeks, her pregnancy would shift into high risk as she was diagnosed with a short cervix, making her susceptible to preterm labor. At 20 weeks, her doctor indicated they would need to make some serious changes to help maintain the chances of that occurring. These changes included strict bed rest and a treatment plan for a cerclage (cervical stitch) placed.

Anese would be met with the unexpected again, at 31 weeks when her water broke, resulting in a 2-week hospital stay, and at 33 weeks going into spontaneous labor. While labor wasn't long, pushing her son earthside did take an extended amount of time, and after 2 hours and birth vacuum assistance, she and her husband got to meet their 3lb baby boy. When reflecting on her experience, Anese shared that she was thankful to have had a birth team that gave her the space to try. Many plans for her birth had changed; she hadn't thought about that impact until she was in the moment having it all unfold. But her birth team made sure she was informed, and all options were considered.

This type of support would continue as her family adjusted to life in the NICU. After five weeks, they were able to bring their son home. And as they celebrate year two of his life, healing continues and is just beginning for some family members. The layers of healing have allowed Anese to create support systems for other mothers with her similar experience. It has created a deeper bond for her husband and son and created space for her father to share his experience. Lastly, it sheds light on just how impactful full family-centered and focused care can be.

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